Springtime arrives, and many of us begin to feel more buoyant. It's time to do a little cleaning and clearing out. It's time for a walk in the park to admire the blossoms on the trees. It's time to count our blessings now that the foul weather of winter is over. Or maybe not.
A change of season also can be disappointing. It focuses our attention on what hasn't changed in our lives and what we have endured over the previous months. Perhaps we've suffered a setback, experienced a rejection, or had our hopes and dreams dashed. We may be disappointed in a relationship, our work, or our family life. Some people have a talent for bouncing back from difficult experiences, and we are inspired by them. But others simply lack the resilience to courageously soldier on after a disappointment. We need to be sensitive to them and to that tendency within ourselves.
A first step is to understand the forces that drive disappointment in our culture. One is consumerism. The marketplace needs us to think we deserve all the toys, perks, and pleasures we can get. People today are accumulating huge personal debts as they try to have it all now, even when they can't afford it.
Another thing that drives disappointment is unrealistic expectations about who we can be and what we can achieve. These are often fed by the media with its emphasis on success stories. Our goals may be imposed upon us by our parents or teachers. When we struggle and still fail, we think there is something wrong with us, when it could be that we just took on too much. We may not have the gifts and talents for a particular choice, or it may not be the best time in our lives. But when we don't get where we think we should be, we hit bottom in disappointment.
Our disappointment may also extend to our friends or co-workers. Perhaps we put our trust in them, and they failed to meet our high standards. Discontent seeps into every pore of our bodies, and we feel like everything is hopeless.
But, here's the good part: Our disappointments can be a starting point for regular spiritual practices. We can, through divine grace and our own diligence and creativity, change the way we live and the choices we make. Here are a few suggestions:
• Ask yourself, what am I disappointed about? Name your disappointments, and then let them go. Do not keep replaying them over and over in your mind. If necessary, forgive someone who has hurt or disappointed you. Also, forgive yourself for being disappointed. Remember, disappointment is a natural response to difficulty. The key is to not let it rule your life.
• Try a mini-ritual to release your disappointment. Find a stone that signifies your disappointment (it can be as large as you want) and throw it in a pond, or river, or ocean. Or, make a list of disappointments on a piece of paper and then burn the paper in a bowl; as you watch the smoke going up, ask God to help you release these particular disappointments.
• Count your blessings and know in your heart that you have more than enough. See your wealth not in terms of outward possessions but in terms of the spiritual intangibles of faith, hope, and love.
• Don't allow your ideas about what should or could happen to determine whether you feel happy or sad. Remember, the future is God's domain. Stay in the present.
For more strategies and daily ways to practice them, sign up for our 21-day e-course Dealing with Disappointment. You'll receive 21 emails (it takes three weeks to break a habit or start a new practice) with a brief quotation on the causes and teachings of disappointment along with simple exercises you can do when one shows up in your life.
