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Right Here
A teaching:
God is here, right here, alive and with us. God is so tremendously great to me. If he weren’t, I couldn’t do the things I do. And every time I do something for him, he does so much more for me. Every person has the responsibility to talk about God. When we speak of God, we bring a sense of God, even for a moment, into the world. At the same time, we develop a sense of God in our own lives. God is not an obligation, a burden. God is the joy of my life.
A prayer:
Lord, take me where you want me to go. Let me meet who you want me to meet. Tell me what you want me to say, and keep me out of your way.
The words of Father Mychal Judge on God's presence with us.
The Whole Wide World
• Worship with the World: Share spiritual community and broaden your world by attending services at a church, synagogue, or temple of a faith other than your own.
• Open Eyes with Arts: Attend a play, listen to music, or go to a dance performance by artists whose race or ethnicity is different from your own.
• Collect Tolerance Tips: Visit tolerance.org and order or download the site's free information sources: "101 Tools for Tolerance," "10 Ways to Fight Hate," "10 Ways to Fight Hate on Campus," and "Responding to Hate at School."
• Engage in International Commerce: Shop at ethnic grocery stores, specialty markets, and other minority-owned businesses. Get to know the owners. Ask about their family histories.
• Give Words Weight: Speak up when you hear slurs. When someone asks if you're offended by racial or ethnic jokes, say "yes." If someone tells such a joke or makes similar comments at a social gathering, explain that you prefer not to hear those types of remarks. Deliver your response with a light touch so that the speaker can recover with dignity intact. If he or she persists, consider leaving the room.
• Expand Entertainment Horizons: Read a book or watch a movie about another culture.
• Set a Special Table: Host a potluck dinner featuring authentic recipes from another culture. If you can, include authentic table settings and serving traditions.
• Adopt a Global Perspective: Watch or listen to the BBC or other international broadcasters' news for a less U.S.-centered perspective of world events. (Check your TV and radio listings for stations and times.)"
Tips for being open to the world.
Beautiful Conduct
Become aware of your choice of words and your tone of voice. Without compromising the content of your speech, how can you be more kind and courteous?
Are you aware of doing any act of service that is actually not helpful to the recipient? If so, what changes can you make?
In what ways can you be more gracious and generous with family, friends, colleagues, strangers, and people who annoy you?
Make a commitment to engage daily in beautiful deeds no matter how small: a smile, a greeting, small courtesies, a helping hand, a quiet prayer, and a blessing for the other.
Remember to make time to nurture and nourish yourself. Take rest, engage in silence, pray, and practice owning your own sorrows with kindness and mercy for yourself. This is not only a service to you, it increases your capacity to help others.
A contemplation on kindness for oneself and others and a call for serving both.
(Dis)Honesty: The Truth About Lies
An epidemic of lying and cheating has permeated all parts of American society. Deception covers everything from small white lies to the large lies of the "winning class" who have more wealth than the entire bottom 90 percent combined.
In Yael Melamede's insightful and always entertaining documentary, we are introduced to the ground-breaking work of Dan Ariely, an Israeli-born behavioral economist and a Duke University-based professor of psychology whose research and lab experiments examine dishonesty as a troubling part of human behavior. Marshalling evidence from his findings and interviews, he presents case studies of an administrator at a top university who lied on her resume, a former NBA referee who bet on games he was officiating, a professional cyclist who used drugs to enhance his performance in races, a mother who fibbed about living at her father's address in order to get her children in a better school, a married woman with six children who deceived her husband about the extra-marital affairs she was having, and a Wall Street trader who used his insider information to make big money.
Ariely is very impressive in his Ted talk clips, especially when he is explaining the widespread use of "the Fudge factor," the paradoxical aspect of human nature where people think of themselves as honest and inherently good people while lying in order to selfishly advance themselves, the fall-out from conflicts of interest, the contagion of deception, an example of a virtuous lie, and the lack of difference in the level of dishonesty among men, women, cultures and nations.
This DVD release contains some bonus features, including interviews with Senator John McCain, Sam Antar (convicted felon and former CEO of Crazy Eddie), Rashad Kent (former NFL player), and others.
An insightful and entertaining documentary about the epidemic of lying and cheating afoot in the United States.
Speaking of Others with Openness
When we blame, gossip, speak disparagingly of others, that action stems from the belief that we ourselves are less than something. What if we were investigate this less than in all our actions, all our thoughts, all our speech? . . .
A good way to explore this precept and how to use it for everyday decision making is to tryout the following exercises for a week or two. Remember, there is no timetable and no race to be won. You may find that you only get to point one. That's fine. Once you bring up the intention to explore your reactions in this way, the observer is activated and over time will become stronger.
Stop. Take inventory. Take one week to begin noticing the obvious and subtle ways in which you talk about others — overtly, surreptitiously, covertly. Keep a journal.
Look. Focus in. Choose one or two specific ways in which you talk about others and where and under what conditions you do it.
Listen. Hear your words as you speak in these particular situations. Pay close attention to the tone of your voice, noticing what happens to your voice and to your word choice when you stop simply sharing information and begin discussing faults. For example, "Harry can't be depended on. He doesn't carry through with tasks." This may be factual information; is your tone implying fact or is it finger-pointing? Is the voice snide or sarcastic? Or is it neutral, just relaying a fact?
Experience. Notice if there seems to be any emotional charge present. You might notice it makes you feel good to talk about someone else. Maybe it relieves some bodily tension by letting out some steam. Sometimes people say that they feel physically bigger, stronger. Your body sensations are a good indicator here. If you're feeling some tightness or other discomfort, there's a good chance that your comments are fueled by some negative feelings. Continue looking, listening, and experiencing in this way until you clarify the emotion. For example, you might notice there is really some jealousy fueling your comment.
Repeat. Say again the sentence about Harry, changing it to, "It's been my experience that Harry doesn't always carry through on tasks." Notice the difference that is conveyed. In the first sentence, you are freezing your perception of Harry into a static entity. This is a perception that can only be false. In the second sentence, you are just communicating behavior you have witnessed with Harry. One closes off to the continual opening and creation of a Harry. The other allows him to be as he is. And of course what we close off is not just Harry, but our openness to much more. Speaking of the faults of others is harmful not just to the other person, but also to ourselves.
Respond. It is what you do with this new statement about your experience that's important. Just because Harry hasn't followed through on tasks in the past, do you stop giving him tasks altogether? Or do you keep giving them to him with the knowledge that he is capable of change, and if given the opportunity, he could follow through? Another Zen teacher reminds us, "A so-called fault is a weak place where character can change." If we don't invest ourselves in allowing a weakness to strengthen, then we have not fully experienced the practice of this precept.
Faults as a weak point where character can change.
Everyday Morality Practice
I intend to:
Do no harm to anyone,
Take nothing that is not freely given,
Speak truthfully and helpfully,
Use my sexual energy wisely,
And keep my mind clear.
A suggestion to practice living with noble character every day.
Teach, Breathe, Learn
Meena Srinivasan is an Indian-American educator and an internationally recognized leader in the field of mindfulness in education. She is a National Board Certified Teacher and has taught in Brazil, India, and the United States. In this book, she shares how she has used mindfulness practices to cope with typical challenges of a school day.
What is mindfulness? According to Srinivasan, it is "energy we cultivate through kind, present-moment awareness. It involves the practice of coming back to the peaceful compassionate space we all have inside ourselves with curiosity and without judgment. When we come back to this space repeatedly, it grows."
Simply put, this practice helps us to be more responsive and less reactive. Later in the book, she lists nine benefits of practicing mindfulness:
1. Maintain focus/attention
2. Work skillfully with our emotions
3. Manage stress
4. Develop a sense of inner peace
5. Promote compassion and kindness toward oneself and others
6. Be resilient: recognize interdependence/interconnection
7. Foster understanding
8. Communicate effectively
9. Make healthy decisions
Throughout the book, Srinivasan uses practices and exercises by Zen master Thich Nhat Hahn including a "Food Meditation" and "Joy of Meditation as Nourishment" (see excerpt). Teach Breathe Learn is a valuable addition to the growing archive of books on mindfulness.
Read a practice on Being Present
Practical and useful mindfulness practices for use in and out of the classroom.
Knowing How Our Lives Intertwine
We Vow Not to . . .
Knowing how deeply our lives intertwine,
We vow not to kill.
Knowing how deeply our lives intertwine,
We vow not to take what is not given.
Knowing how deeply our lives intertwine,
We vow not to engage in abusive
relationships.
Knowing how deeply our lives intertwine,
We vow not to speak falsely or
deceptively.
Knowing how deeply our lives intertwine,
We vow not to harm self or others
through poisonous thought or
substance.
Knowing how deeply our lives intertwine,
We vow not to dwell on past errors.
Knowing how deeply our lives intertwine,
We vow not to speak of self separate
from others.
Knowing how deeply our lives intertwine,
We vow not to possess anything or form
of life selfishly.
Knowing how deeply our lives intertwine,
We vow not to harbor ill will toward any
plant, animal or
Human being.
Knowing how deeply our lives intertwine,
We vow not to abuse the great truth
Of the Three Great Treasures.
Origin:
Stephanie Kaza, professor of environmental studies at the University of Vermont and author of The Attentive Heart: Conversations With Trees. She practices the Zen Buddhist technique of shikantaza — just sitting — to find serenity and inspiration among trees.
Options:
•The Three Great Treasures are faith in the Buddha, faith in the Dharma (divine law), and faith in the Sangha (community). You may omit this line if your are not Buddhist, or you may add your own treasure here.
• If you say a morning creed, you may wish to substitute this prayer, or say it following your expression of faith, as an expression of ethical resolve.
Vowing to behave in light of our interconnectedness.
The Hunt
Lucas (Mads Mikkelsen) is trying to get back on his feet after losing his teaching job and getting divorced from his wife who has custody of their teenage son Marcus (Lasse Fogelstrom). Luckily, Lucas has landed a job at a local kindergarten school where he is wildly popular with the kids. In addition, he has begun an affair with Nadja (Alexandra Rapaport), a foreign co-worker. Through all his troubles, Lucas has enjoyed the constant companionship of his old dog.
This middle-ager regularly gets together with a band of rowdy men from their small Danish town who go deer hunting and drink excessively. On one occasion, one of his buddies develops a cramp after jumping into a pond and Lucas saves him from drowning. On another evening, he takes his best friend Theo (Thomas Bo Larsen) home after he gets too drunk to walk. Theo's wife Agnes (Anne Louise Hassing) appreciates his kindness. Their little daughter Klara (Annika Wedderkopp) develops a crush on Lucas and is hurt when he rebuffs her. Using porn images seen on her brother's iPad, she makes up a story about Lucas exposing himself to her.
Grethe (Susse Wold), his supervisor, is convinced that children are innocent and should be taken seriously if they talk about sexual abuse. Although refusing to tell Lucas the source or even the exact nature of the charge, she orders him to take some time off. An amateurish child psychologist interviews Klara, and the matter is referred to the police. When Marcus arrives, he stands with his slowly unraveling dad who has been ostracized by the entire community. Only one friend Bruun (Lars Ranthe) believes he is innocent.
The Hunt is a Danish film directed by Thomas Vinterberg (Celebration) who also wrote the riveting screenplay with Tobias Lindholm. It is very hard to watch how easily the bonds of trust and friendship are shattered after a sexual abuse accusation is set in motion. Lucas is banned from the kindergarten and assaulted at a store where the owner says he can no longer shop. During the Christmas season, a hateful act designed to hurt him plunges him into a deep depression. The gossip continues to circulate until the circle of accusers widens. We cannot give away any more details about the finale except to say that it left us numb with shock at the unrelenting rage against those who are thought to have sexually abused children.
Special features on the DVD include outtakes/deleted/extended scenes; "Making of The Hunt; and an alternate ending.
A chilling Danish drama about how an accusation of child sexual abuse can tear a community apart and shatter even the trust of long-standing friends.
Making Marriage Simple
Harville Hendrix began his career as a couples' therapist in 1975. He and his wife Helen LaKelly Hunt co-created Imago Relationship Therapy, a healing process which has been used by more than 2,000 therapists around the world. They are the co-authors of Getting the Love You Want, which has sold more than two million copies and has been translated into more than 50 languages. In this book, the authors welcome us to "the Relationship Revolution," where all couples have a part to play as they move beyond the dominator/submissive model to "Partnership Marriage." This kind of relationship takes practice and needs an improvisational spirit. Lasting marriages evolve and they rely on the creative collaboration of two partners on a journey together. Hendrix and Hunt share some of their lessons from their 30-year partnership.
Change does not come easy for most couples who often wind up on dead-end, one-way streets thanks to their attachment to old habits or rigid ideas. Hendrix and Hunt have come up with "10 Essential Truths" which can lead to a renewed relationship where both parties are satisfied and transformed. Here are a few of them:
• Conflict is Growth Trying to Happen
• Being Present for Each Other Heals the Past
• Negativity Is Invisible Abuse
• Your Brain Has a Mind of Its Own
Throughout the book are exercises to try, to which Hendrix and Hunt suggest devoting 10 to 20 minutes a day.
Tools and insights for reviving and renewing your marriage.