"Wholeness implies that we have all the virtues as potential within us, that is, in our positive shadow. For instance, courage is always resident in our psyche. Like all virtues, it can be activated in any of four ways: It can happen by effort: keep acting as if you were courageous and eventually you will build the habit of courage (A virtue is a habit.) It can also happen interactively as the natural result of experiences that provide encouragement. For instance, if a person is appreciated by others, she may notice herself becoming more generous. Likewise, our sense of self-worth and power in the world may be build up by people who support us and by events that we handle well. As a result we notice that we automatically have more courage. This is the interactive dimension of virtue.

"Virtue can also happen by grace, which takes two forms. It is sometimes available in an essential ongoing way so that it seems to be part of our personality. Sometimes grace is existentially available, suddenly granted in the here-and-now moment of need. When the grace is essential, courage is an innate gift that we have always been able to access. The daredevil you remember in grammar school may be an example of someone with that gift. When the grace is existential, courage comes to us suddenly: we see someone in need or are confronted with a challenge and we respond courageously without thinking. It seems to come from nowhere, not from familiar ego resources but from a power beyond our limitations; hence it is called grace.

"So virtues manifest in four ways: by effort, interaction, essential grace, and existential grace. Look within yourself and ask how courage lives in you. Has it come naturally (essential gift) or occasionally (existential grace)? Is it happening through experience and support? Is it taking effort: you feel afraid but are overriding the fear and acting as if you had all the courage you need? Who is there to thank?

"Here are some virtues: love, trustworthiness, courage, honesty, humility, gratitude, openness, conviction, compassion, cheerfulness, simplicity, hopefulness, generosity, courtesy, candidness, flexibility, appreciativeness, confidence, loyalty, justice, serenity, respect, humor, forgiveness, truthfulness, cooperativeness, and the ability to temper desire.

"Write each one on a separate index card. Working with one card each day, keep the word in mind throughout the entire day. Write it out and hang it in a prominent place or carry it in your pocket to help you remember to do this. As you begin in the morning, ask for cooperation from your assisting forces in the practice of the virtue. Say the word in your head or aloud throughout the day. As often as you can, form an image of yourself practicing that virtue in some specific way. Look for ways to practice it with the people and events of the day. At the end of the day, draw a picture of yourself practicing the virtue of the day. Give thanks for all those who helped you in this work.

"Here are specific examples of the building of a virtue by devising a plan and following a practice: The virtue of justice means respect for the rights of others. This includes honesty in our dealings and accountability for our actions through responsible behavior. If when you drink you act violently or engage in behaviors that are risky to yourself and others, the plan has to be to stop drinking. Alcoholics Anonymous is the program already in place for this. Given your circumstances, joining it and staying with it is building the habit/virtue of justice. If you speed on long trips, the plan is to form a conscious intention of slowing down. If that does not work, you might take a plane or hire a chauffeur or install a governor on the accelerator. The point is to notice when you stray into dangerous territory in your behavior and not simply to regret it or think of yourself as stupid for doing it. Holderlin says: 'Danger itself invites the rescuing power.' There is always a program to put into place that intelligently and effectively change things. It is a virtue even to be the kind of person who uses this approach whenever you notice yourself in the wrong. It is a way of taking preventive measures to become more responsible rather than promising yourself you will do better and leaving it at that.

"To be human is to be born into the world with something to achieve, namely, the fullness of one's human nature, and it is through the virtues that one does so . . . The virtues are the only guarantee against a wasted life — Paul Wadell, C.P.

"The heart continually generates electromagnetic energy. Egoless love makes waves harmonic and serene and the rest of your body follows suit. Our autonomic nervous system comes into balance and we then less vulnerable to disease. Stress is considerably diminished and our lively energy is released. The neurocortex of our brain, responsible for higher level reasoning, works more efficiently and our decisions have a sounder base. All this happens in a matter of seconds. David McClelland, a Harvard psychologist, has generated research that suggests that heartfelt, that is, egoless, love actually leads to a greater production of antibodies (salivary immunoglobulin A: IgA) that help in fighting flu viruses. Letting go of ego and feeling loving builds the immune system.

"All her adult life the great Spanish mystic Saint Teresa used a practice of devotion as she drifted off to sleep at night: she formed an image in her heart of her favorite scene from the life of Jesus, his prayer in the garden of Gethsemane. What if each night we were to picture in our heart the spiritual scene, person, situation, or place that has been most moving to us in life. This might even be a recollection of being loved by someone. It is important to do this in the context of falling asleep so that it can be the heart's bridge between the conscious and the unconscious. The heart can combine these opposites; the mind only divides them further. To try to fall asleep while thinking does not work, but images do, as those who visualize sheep jumping a fence have noticed.

  • Use these affirmations:
  • As I let go of being subject to desire, real joy enters my life.
  • I am brave when I return good for evil.
  • I am heroic when I forgive.
  • I let go of the option of retaliation even in my mind.
  • I bypass and override my ego's appeals and seductions.
  • What I criticize in others may be true of me.
  • I look into my motivations and actions and endow them with gentle love.
  • I create my path by walking.

Every religious traditions recommends the letting go of ego by humble compassionate service and nonviolence. Nonviolence is not submission to injustice but an alternative way of resisting it. It is the healthy ego's creative response to injustice rather than the inflated ego's automatic reaction to it. Basically, this means letting go of the will to retaliate in favor of self-transformation and the desire to transform others. It is found in Christianity, Hasidism, Sufism, Buddhism, Hinduism, and elsewhere."